Door number 1 v. Door number 2

For most of my childhood I knew what I wanted to be when I grew up: A journalist.

But now that my job has been eliminated and the short-term future of journalism is beyond bleak, I get to ask and perhaps answer that question all over again.

This time though, I'm not sure I'll come up with a definitive answer. The options are plentiful. After two months of unemployment I remain energized and upbeat. There really is life after journalism, lots and lots of life.

I'm toying with some web consulting; I've actually had a couple of people sign on as clients! I recently talked with an advertising agency about doing freelance work for them at a very attractive hourly rate. I'm actively sending out resumes. Toss in juggling the kids nearly full-time now and I've got a rich and full life.

In my old life everything was clearly defined. I was a journalist, an editor. I had a career. I lived the clich?©s: there were times I had to work twice as hard just to prove myself, my head still has scars from bumping up against the glass ceiling, I comforted the afflicted and afflicted the comfortable.

Some days I think, yeah I could start a new career; spend another 20 years defining much of my life through my work. There are things that I truly enjoy, such as organizational management that could keep me very busy for years to come.

There is something to be said for building a career, rising in rank, responsibility and authority. It's fun helping organizations and people achieve goals that they might not have realized were within their grasp all along.

But other days, I question whether I really want to get that far back into the rat race.

The freelance opportunities are plentiful and the money is good. I could certainly make enough money to help support my family. I would continue to enjoy a certain amount of freedom and set my own agenda.

After dancing to someone else's tune for more than 20 years that's an intriguing proposition.

It's also the antithesis of the hard-driven career woman that I came to represent. So there's this tug of war going on between the side of me that wants to live a life that's not cemented in corporate America and the side that does.

And I don't see that there's an easy answer. There was a time when corporate America provided more certainty than freelance work, but round after round of layoffs blew that notion to bits. My friends who seem to have the most job satisfaction and security these days have one thing in common. They are self-employed.

So far neither side is a clear winner. I don't really think I'll come close to having an answer until I get that job offer that forces me to make a choice.